In the spirit of good sportsmanship, family bonding, and over-indulgence that comes embedded in the term “vacation” – I present a summary of our very own Olympic Events. I promise less political implications than eating at Chick-Fil-A, and wwwwaaaaayyyyy better commentary than NBC  can scrape together.

Swimming.

Gold Medal: Matilda. In one week, the big Miss M went from spinning in a SpongeBob ring, to tackling open water waves with some water wings, to crossing the entire pool herself doggie-paddle. She somehow channeled four months of swim lessons into seven day, she would swim to Cuba if I let her.  I think I might have to test her for doping.

Matilda also double-medaled in synchronized-Mommy-swimming, and solo back floating.

Silver Medal: Lane. He was still much more of a chicken than his sister, but he’s a trooper. He also managed to ditch the swim ring and rock a pair of water wings around the pool.

Bronze Medal: Sheryl. Our good friend came down to visit from Islamorada for the day. She earned medal by making obscene noises with a pool noodle. Way to go, Sheryl!

Diving (family version = jumping)

Gold Medal: Lane. This boy hasn’t met anything he won’t jump off of either into the water or onto the ground. He used to wait for someone to be in the water to catch him, not anymore. We finally had to outlaw the Triple Lindy, and ban all Rodney Dangerfield movies.

Cycling.

Gold Medal: Dear Hubby. I gotta give it up to him, he organized the whole day on the bikes. We had originally tried to sign up for a “tropical bike tour” — but the bike operator acted like a douche when we asked about getting bikes with child seats and helmets. Yes, I know, Key West is not kid-friendly. The best thing about an island made for tourists, however, is that there is another company right next door. Since this was nowhere near our first experience in Key West, we made our own damn tour. We took the kids to Higgs Beach, you know, to practice Matilda’s open-water swim, and then down to Fort Zachary Taylor State Park.

Silver Medal: Lane. This was a tough call by the judges. Lane actually fell asleep on the bike on the way home. Now that is talent!

Weight Lifting.

Gold Medal: Dear Hubby. Maximum weight lift was achieved 16 ounces at a time.

Silver Medal: Mommy. Come on…why else would they put cup holders on the stroller?

Running.

Gold, Silver, and Bronze: Mommy. That’s right, I owned this category. They were slow miles, but they were logged anyway — and sometime even hangover free. Lots of great island time in the early morning.

And one last special mention goes out to Tony Roberts, local musician in Key West. He played our first and last night at the resort. I caught him last year and picked up a CD, and this year picked up a bunch more. Cool guy, check him out. We’ll give him the Opening and Closing Ceremony Credits.

Tune in next year for the 2013 games, sure to include new events such as Daddy vs. Matilda’s Boyfriends, Snorkeling Pro Tour, Six-toe Cat Wrestling, and the Duval Stroller Race.